Have you ever wondered that an addiction, compulsion or unwanted habit can be a doorway to deeper meaning in life? I would say it is a blessing to us because it gives us a chance to see who we are and why are we facing issues with food, relationship, alcohol, sexuality and so on, on this beautiful planet.
As a coach of Psychology of eating, I feel very connected to words like Compulsion, curiosity, compassion, climax, connected, condition, collective, cooperation, consideration etc. When I work with clients, I look at different words and relationship of my clients with these words, when they have issues with their habits and behavior like overeating , overspending, overexercising, overworking.
So let look at Compulsion today. When we try to control our compulsion or compulsive habits, the chances of it’s coming back again in our life are higher and with the change in attitude, it is 95 per-cent less. What we fight controls us , what we resist persists with us.
So why do we fight or force something which is going to come back again?
We do it for many reasons, primarily because as a kid we have been taught how to write and read, speak and do our chores but we have never been taught to be ok with whatever we are. It is a constant struggle for us to fit into society or in our own eyes. We forget in this process that we are whole; we are authentic nothing less or more. I am not saying improving ourselves or wanting to be better is wrong but we often take it as a ongoing project of we are not worthy or complete and in that process we forget our own true selves.
The opposite of control is not “being out of control”. Rather it is about Curiosity, Compassion and clarity about whatever we are expecting from ourselves.
I often see my compulsive habits in life as something which wants to be heard and respected. I sometime eat when I am not hungry, so rather than punishing myself or controlling the urge to eat, I let go of my controlling nature towards things and I become curious what is it that I want to control in my life, what is it that is wanting to be heard. Rather than closing my heart, I open it wide with compassion and self love.
It’s not easy to start trusting your compulsive habits because it is not what you have been doing since you were born on this earth. A compulsive habit is like a snake always ready to bite you because you are a threat to its existence yet interestingly when you start giving it respect, trust and compassion, it changes to Curiosity and love.
With my clients I often work on different aspects of Compulsion and how not to fight it but as a warrior know your own potential and true strengths. Acceptance of oneself and one’s existence is a crucial part in my training because most of us are walking around in this earth feeling lost as if we do not belong here.
Develop a curiosity to know why do we want to numb ourselves with food, addiction, watching T.V, Overworking and also on. If you watch a dog walking every day on the same path it is curious and excited to find something new but we humans do not live in the moment but we are often planning the future or, thinking of past. While we are being ignorant of what is ahead of us at the very moment and how do we feel now. We are certainly more wise and clever by living in the present moment and by trusting our own body wisdom, in fact we can convert it into our strength to stand up for ourselves as and when needed.
Second is it brings discomfort in our life, and we feel challenged and uneasy when we change something which is so deeply embedded in us. It’s like going to a foreign land without understanding their language or culture but the beautiful part in visiting any new place with all its wonders which you can easily connect to, which nourish your soul and eyes. So accepting the change for good is good for us.
Healing starts when we let go of the controlling desire, when we reclaim our right to be here, when we accept ourselves fully as it is, remembering what has been forgotten , reclaiming what has been hidden within us .
At last I would say give yourself time, do not think any compulsion will just go, as it will take its own time. It will go away with time when the required lesson has been learnt , do not be ignorant be curious, do not be fearful be a learner , do not fight be a warrior.
Now you know why C is such an important alphabet in our dictionary. It is the path of discovering yourself; it’s a gift to us.