clearly remember the day when I started working with this client of mine. Who came to me with some digestive challenges, body-image issues and fatigue. For my work it is very important to gather as much information about her life, who she lives with, is she married? any kids? What type pf up bringing and many other important questions?
She was one of the client who was ready to share everything and wanted to know what’s wrong with her. I told her look you are not broken and we are not here to fix you . She said Really? I told her you might have read, been told or think you arte broken but to me no human in this planet is broken.
We started our work with this note of nothing to be fixed. I gathered from her story she is a giver and all her life she has been doing that though sometime her soul shows her the other way round. I worked on her diet, movement but I told her clearly that this will only work if there is a major shift inside you about how you treat yourself or look at yourself.
Self-compassion is something which I learnt when I myself was treating myself as nothing, everyone around me is important , lucky, healthy. I suffered from UTI urinary track infection in all my twenties. In nutshell was very weak physically and mentally. This client was very successful in her career , great mum and wife, few friends but she always thought that people uses her when needed and no one sees exactly what she wants or desire? Does it sound familiar ?
“Dr. Kristin Neff has defined self–compassion as being composed of three main components – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness”.
Signs of lacking self compassion are these
2- Everyone deserves love and respect but not you.
3-Everyone is perfect.
4- Lack of mindfulness
5- Saying Yes when you really want to say No
For my client I made a homework plan for everytime she was in coaching session with me. I started with a small step at a time. She was great client who was ready to do anything to change herself because her pain of neglecting herself, criticising was taking tall on her health and family life , most importantly her happiness.
1- Learn to say No and write down in a journal when you said No what yes you created for yourself.
2- Embrace your imperfection and live a life you want now with whatever shape, health you are in.
3-Change the way you speak to yourself with much compassion and kindness . If you are saying to yourself I am Fat, that’s what you are taking as a message from outside world or your own deep routed believes so let’s say it I am beautiful as I am, learning to be better.
4-Write down what are your deep routed beliefs about yourself . Who has said that to you, are you carrying from your childhood experiences. This will help you to know that its a false traits which you have feed with time. It has nothing to do with you.
5-Mindfulness is clearly seeing and accepting what’s happening right now—without judgment, Neff writes. “The idea is that we need to see things as they are, no more, no less, in order to respond to our current situation in the most compassionate—and therefore effective—manner.”
6- To be present in the moment is mindfulness. Go out for walk or while driving just observe how many times your mind drift from present to future or past. Try to observe how you get distracted from NOW often to something else. Sit for 15 minutes and be mindful of what’s happening now, to start with you can concentrate on the noise around you and can you distinguish any noise but remind you it will drift your thoughts to something else but beauty is recognising the thought giving it a place and move. There is no outcome to mindfulness but you will feel calm and more kind towards yourself.
7-During your practice where did you felt lost, what were the thoughts this all can be written in a journal because that will help you mentally to challenge the situation peacefully later.
8- Looking after your health, eating, wellness all creates self-compassion.
9- When you face failure thought about your kid how would you talk to them after failure and ask just one question would you stop loving them?
10- Being creative in whatever you do or love, express it in your own form of creation is a great help in creating self-compassion in life.
I cannot stop writing on this topic but has to but would love to hear from you does it help to see self-compassion in you own life? Bye from Breathe Move Love